AUGUSTA, Ga. -- All those suckers who took out a second
mortgage to buy one of those big-as-cabbage-headed drivers are
about to get socked by a double whammy.
Not only are interest rates climbing, but Phil Mickelson won the
Masters carrying two of them in his golf bag.
If you think the left-hander wearing a green jacket for the
second time in three years went over big with the lords and patrons
of Augusta National, imagine the wild celebrations late Sunday in
the living room of any CEO lucky enough to be in the business of
selling clubs. They were just granted a second license to steal.
The last somebody to play a major with two drivers in the bag
was Ian Woosnam in the final round of the 2001 British Open. He was
trying out both at the range and his caddie forgot to leave one
behind -- a mistake that cost the Welshman a two-stroke penalty, a
shot at winning, $300,000 in prize money and the chance to lock up
a spot on Europe's Ryder Cup team. Mickelson, on the other hand,
never, ever does anything accidentally.
In the same way that he used spreadsheets and graphs of his past
performances at Augusta to plot his strategy in winning in 2004, he
began planning for this one several weeks ago. Mickelson hatched
the idea of carrying two drivers while mulling over how to counter
the additional length Masters chairman Hootie Johnson tacked onto
the course, not to mention bigger bunkers and a forest of pine
trees that sprouted up all over the place.
So last weekend at the BellSouth Classic, Mickelson put both in
his bag and took them for a test-drive -- one to draw the ball left
to right, with a maximum distance of about 310 yards; the second to
fade it right to left, with a limit of 290. He complied with the
14-club limit by leaving the sand wedge in the car trunk, then
finished 28 under par and won by a staggering 13 strokes.
"I needed it to combat the added length at Augusta, but this is
probably the only course that I'll do it," Mickelson said
afterward. "I don't know where else I'll end up needing to do
it."
But Mickelson might want to rethink that, based on what he did
at the beefed-up Augusta layout. Mickelson won the long-drive
contest, averaging 297.5 yards per drive, nearly four yards farther
than his closest pursuer and Sunday playing partner Freddie
Couples.
His accuracy wasn't nearly as impressive -- he hit 35 of 56
fairways, or 62.5 percent, a number that tied him for 36th. Even
so, he launched even wayward drives far enough to take the heat off
his approach shots. He tied for fourth in reaching the greens in
regulation -- Mickelson hit 50 of 72, or 69.4 percent -- and tied for
16th in fewest putts needed.
What all that added up to was another sterling silver trophy and
the wide-eyed respect of his peers.
"You can kid about Phil, but he's one of the most intelligent
persons I've ever met," said Billy Mayfair, who finished at
even-par, seven strokes behind Mickelson's winning 281 total.
"I don't think you're going to see guys show up every week with
two stuck in the bag," Mayfair added, "but you might see guys
carrying two drivers at this same time next year."
Mayfair, a short hitter, wasn't the only one enamored of the
tactic. Bombers like Couples and Ernie Els sounded almost envious
that Mickelson had figured out how to shape two very different
shots while using the same swing.
"We've got the technology out there," Els said. "It's how you
use it."
Of course, in addition to knowing more about the game and
possessing a level of skill the rest of us will never approach,
none of these guys ever pay for their own drivers.
So guess who picks up the tab when manufacturers hire rocket
scientists to design them ... metallurgists to stretch titanium
across a clubface to the depth of a sheet of paper ... engineers to
add adjustable-weight screws on the bottom ... pros to stitch the
company's name and logo on the bag ... and a pricey advertising
agency to market them to our deepest-seated insecurities?
Right.
And now you get the privilege of paying for two, which go for
$400 or more at retail.
Each.
So put the kids in the car, drive them down to the local pro
shop and see what they bring at trade-in. And then blame it all on
Mickelson.
Because when someone asked afterward whether he would advocate
everyone going out and putting two of them in the bag, Mickelson
just laughed and said, "Well, if they are the proper brand."
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Jim Litke is a national sports columnist for The Associated
Press. Write to him at jlitke@ap.org<