I know a bit of white is creeping into my beard and I admit that I've packed on a few pounds. But I still didn't expect to get the call to play Santa Claus for the racing world this year.
It's a responsibility I take very seriously. I have an 8-year-old son, after all, so the spirit of Santa is still very much alive and well in the Oreovicz household.
Unfortunately, I'm not too organized, and I did a poor job collecting Christmas wish lists from people. So I've had to come up with a bunch of gift ideas on my own.
It's a big job as Santa to sort out who's been naughty and who's been nice, and you also have to recognize that some people just can't wait until Dec. 25 to unwrap their presents. I'm looking at you, Carl Edwards and Sam Hornish Jr.
A lump of coal seems kind of old-fashioned in this day and age. But a driver who got on my bad side this year just might get a bad set of tires or a pit lane-speeding penalty at some really inopportune time down the road.
I'm not going to promise that all these wishes will come true. After all, I'm Santa Claus -- not a politician.
But I do hope that everyone reading has an enjoyable holiday and a prosperous new year.
Now let's distribute some imaginary gifts! Here's what I might be magically leaving under the Christmas tree early Thursday morning ...
• For Brad Keselowski: a Dale Carnegie course in "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
• For Brian Vickers: prolonged health and a return to full-time racing.
• For Kevin Harvick: an end to the post-championship jinx that has befallen NASCAR Cup series champions since 2010. No defending Cup titlist has finished higher than sixth the following year since Jimmie Johnson ran off his string of five straight championships starting in 2006.
• For Brian France: a year's supply of Goody's Headache Powder pain relievers, just in case the elimination-style Chase format kicks out an unexplainable champion like it almost did this year.
• For Tony Stewart: a return to Victory Lane.
• For Danica Patrick: a couple of nice bottles of wine and a well-deserved week off from the promotional treadmill.
• For Kyle Busch: the kind of success in Cup that he routinely enjoys in the Nationwide/Xfinity Series.
• For Jeff Gordon: a NASCAR championship scoring system that actually works in his favor, for a change.
• For Dale Earnhardt Jr.: another winning season on the track, and maybe the sound of wedding bells.
• For Marcos Ambrose: a successful return to Australian V-8 Supercar racing, capped by a victory in the Bathurst 1000. Perhaps he would send a couple of cases of VB (Victoria Bitter beer) up to the North Pole for the elves to enjoy if he pulls that one off.
• For TUDOR SportsCar Championship leaders: a clear vision about how to make American sports car racing relevant and harmonious in the big picture of sports car racing around the world.
• For John Force: a new manufacturer affiliation and another happily married daughter.
• For Erica Enders-Stevens: enough sponsorship for this groundbreaking NHRA champion to compete in every race.
• For INDYCAR boss Mark Miles: a 12-month calendar and a bratwurst sandwich from Road America.
• For IndyCar Series management and marketers: multiple wins by Marco Andretti and Graham Rahal.
• For Scott Dixon and Ryan Hunter-Reay: a little well-deserved recognition for the champions and ambassadors they are.
• For Justin Wilson: a shot with a top-tier IndyCar team.
• For Michael Andretti: the budget to run Justin Wilson.
• For new Penske Racing IndyCar teammates Will Power and Simon Pagenaud: boxing gloves. They may be sparring on and off the track.
• For IndyCar Series fans: races at Road America, Phoenix and Cleveland. Sorry, you'll have to wait until at least 2016 for that.
• For the designers working on the Chevrolet and Honda Indy car aero kits: a photo album of classic Indy cars, and a gentle reminder that they are supposed to be creating a new generation of open-wheel Indy cars, not new-era Can-Am cars.
• For Simona de Silvestro: another shot at Formula One, or a stable job to fall back on in IndyCar.
• For Mercedes-Benz Formula One team managers Niki Lauda and Toto Wolff: another full season of relative harmony between drivers Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg.
• For every other F1 team manager: a season of Senna vs. Prost-style rancor between Hamilton and Rosberg.
• For Fernando Alonso: a razor.
• For Sebastian Vettel: the rediscovery of his mojo and a lengthy honeymoon with Ferrari.
• For Bernie Ecclestone: a graceful exit strategy.