ST. ANDREWS, Scotland -- This is my first trip to the Old Course, and I feel as if I should be in an old rundown stone school building with wooden desks and a nun with a ruler ready to crack the hands and wrists of those not paying attention. The Old Course is the school, with Mother Nature playing the role of the nun, and me as the headmaster handing out the scores.
Unfortunately (for you) with no Rory McIlroy, I'm only doing the top nine in the Official World Golf Rankings and a couple of random ones thrown in every day. Here are your Round 1 Open grades.
Rory McIlroy
Grade: N/A
World ranking: No. 1
Score: N/A
McIlroy injured his ankle playing soccer with friends and is missing The Open. Hopefully we'll see the top-ranked golfer in the world at the PGA Championship.
Grade: B-minus
World ranking: No. 2
Score: 67 (5 under)
Of the three greens Spieth missed, two of them turned into bogeys. I'm still giving him the B-minus grade because of the nice bounce-back birdie at the 18th hole and because he played with the leader, Dustin Johnson. The minus is because he got the good side of the draw weather-wise and could have been bogey-free.
Grade: C
World ranking: No. 3
Score: 71 (-1)
Playing in somewhat calm conditions, Watson made the turn at 3 under. I give him a C because it was only his putter that let him down. The two bogeys on the card were on greens he missed and two-putted.
Grade: A-plus
World ranking: No. 4
Score: 65 (-7)
Johnson went bogey-free in the first round while playing with Spieth -- the man who holds the U.S. Open that was figuratively in Johnson's hands on the 71st hole last month. Calm conditions or not, that's just an impressive round. But he played aggressively when he should and conservatively when called for, and that's where he got the plus.
Grade: B-minus
World ranking: No. 5
Score: 70 (even)
Playing in some of the worst conditions of the day after most of the fans had left, Fowler battled. He even made an eagle at the 10th hole. He missed only one fairway and three greens, had 35 putts, and two three-putts were the biggest disappointment of the day. But when you're putting from outside 20 feet most of the day, it's understandable.
Grade: C-minus
World ranking: No. 6
Score: 73 (1 over)
Lack of length off the tee is not your fault, but missing fairways and greens (three of each) is on you. What was a good steady day for 12 holes turned into a "please keep all hands and feet in the roller coaster at all times" finish. A four-putt? Are you serious? Three bogeys, two birdies, and a double on the last six holes.
Grade: D-plus
World ranking: No. 7
Score: 73 (+1)
While the grade may seem harsh, your world ranking comes with expectations even in conditions where others would crumble. Hitting 14 of 18 greens is not bad when you hit 13 of 16 fairways. Playing the last eight holes 3 over is not acceptable for a player of your caliber, even in tough conditions.
Grade: C-plus
World ranking: No. 8
Score: 71 (-1)
I love the Dr. Jekyll that Rose pulled on the front nine going 4 under and hitting all nine greens. The Mr. Hyde he became on the back nine scares the heck outta me. Two three-putts, five one-putts (two of them were still for bogey) . . . Holy split personalities, Batman! Finishing leaking that much oil, bad. Still being under par, good.
Grade: A
World ranking: No. 9
Score: 66 (-6)
You're getting the A not only for being bogey-free but especially for how you did it with timely up-and-down par saves while missing only five greens and hitting 10 fairways. The game you had at the U.S. Open is still there.
Grade: C-plus
World ranking: No. 10
Score: 70 (-2)
Although it wasn't a great ballstriking day, you played acceptably except for the bogey on the 17th (join the crowd). Everyone talks about your putter, but I say your six one-putts give you the plus at the end of your grade.
Grade: F
World ranking: No. 241
Score: 76 (+4)
After the final round at the Greenbrier, Woods said: "I told you I was close." To what, missing another green? He missed eight of them Thursday. When it comes down to it, on the biggest stage, in the biggest moments, when the shot matters most, he can't hit it. That's almost as disappointing for his fans as it is for Woods, maybe more. You can put the Superman outfit on, but if your super powers are gone, you're just another guy in a costume, getting trolled by AARP on Twitter.
Jordan Niebrugge (amateur)
Grade: A
World ranking: N/A
Score: 67 (-5)
You can complain about young Niebrugge being on my grades when you can pronounce his last name correctly. Until then, the 86th-ranked amateur in the world rankings who shoots a 67 with seven birdies and a par on the 17th hole gets to be the teacher's pet as long as he can stay in the top 10 at The Open.
Sandy Lyle
Grade: A-minus
World ranking: N/A
Score: 71 (-1)
Let me get this straight ... a Scotsman born in 1958 who won The Open in 1985 and the Masters in 1988, teed off at 7:38 a.m. with Kevin Na and Charley Hoffman. The man shot 1 under and beat Hoffman (even) and stayed only four strokes behind Na (5 under). Maybe the AARP should be tweeting about Lyle?