Nick Wagoner, ESPN Staff Writer 9y

With heavy hearts, William Hayes and Eugene Sims play on

EARTH CITY, Mo. -- On the St. Louis Rams' official injury report, defensive ends William Hayes and Eugene Sims were listed as not practicing for reasons that were not injury related. Unofficially, they could have been listed as "DNP -- broken heart."

For the eight losses the Rams have suffered this season on the field, none compared to the pain Hayes and Sims were dealing with as they coped with the death of some of their closest loved ones.

During the final week of November, Hayes’ grandmother, Bessie Flowers, and Sims’ father, Calvert Sanders, died. Rams coach Jeff Fisher excused both players for as long as they needed to grieve.

Sims missed a week of practice three weeks ago and Hayes did not rejoin the Rams until the Saturday night before playing Washington in Week 14.

“We just feel that those things are more important than what we’re doing,” Fisher said. “Losses and things ... loved ones. I think they need to go spend time and be able to grieve and put things in perspective and spend time with their family.”

Hayes has always been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. After a loss to his former team, the Tennessee Titans, last year, he was so upset that he smashed a mirror in the Rams' locker room.

So when Hayes was told of his grandmother’s passing the night before the team’s Nov. 30 win against Oakland, he broke down. Hayes was emotional again after playing the next day and was surrounded by teammates offering words of encouragement or a hug.

“It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do,” said Hayes, who played and then took the next week off to be with his family. “It was very hard.”

Hayes and his grandmother were exceedingly close. It was common practice for Hayes to FaceTime with her on his phone. And for as much as she loved her grandson, Flowers loved her grandson’s coach just as much.

Hayes said Flowers would regularly refer to Fisher as “her husband” and would barge into Fisher’s office even when the door was closed to talk to him.

“He knew how much my grandma meant to me,” Hayes said. “He had plenty of conversations with her. She was in love with Coach Fisher, so she thought they were married.”

Fisher also enjoyed updating Flowers on the latest antics of her notoriously mischievous grandson.

“He would come upstairs and even if my door was shut he’d open it and he’d have her on his phone and we’d FaceTime,” Fisher said. “She just wanted to make sure that William was behaving.”

While grief is a new emotion for Hayes, it’s sadly become all too familiar for Sims. In August 2013, Sims’ mother, Jeanelle Sims, 42, died after a heart attack. Sims left the Rams for a couple of weeks and returned on Aug. 22.

Little more than a year later, tragedy struck again. Sanders, a former Marine whom Sims describes as a “big guy, about 6-7, 280 pounds” and a former college football player, was on his way home from visiting his wife at work when he, too, suffered a heart attack.

By the time Sanders was able to pull over and seek help, it was too late. Having lost his mother didn’t make it any easier for Sims, but he had a better idea of what needed to be done.

“Losing my mom the year before put things in perspective,” Sims said. “I wouldn’t say it was easier. It was very draining. The past year has been really tough. It’s just hard.”

Making it harder is the fact that Sims is the oldest of six siblings (he has four brothers and a sister). He immediately recognized, through no choice of his own, he had graduated to the head of the family.

Leaving them was hard, but Sims saw returning to the field as a chance to provide some peace of mind for the rest of his family.

“I’m kind of the father figure now,” Sims said. “Everybody is younger, everybody is in college. I’m not doing anything they would see as negative. I’m trying to do something positive to let them know that it’s something [my parents] would do to take care of your business.”

Sims returned to the team the day before the Rams played Oakland. Hayes got to the team hotel in Washington on Dec. 6, the night before the Rams played the Redskins. Neither player had participated in a single practice in the week before playing in the game but stayed in touch with defensive line coach Mike Waufle and with teammates via the defensive line’s regular group text.

Both Hayes and Sims spoke of wanting to make good on Fisher’s trust.

“You can’t relax and think you don’t have to repay that,” Sims said. “How can you not work hard for somebody that is on your side like that?”

When Hayes and Sims weren’t getting love from their teammates, they leaned on each other. Sims shared with Hayes some of the things he learned in dealing with his losses. Hayes did what he could to offer the same.

“His mom last year and his dad this year,” Hayes said. “I’ve never experienced anything like that. This was probably the closest thing I’ve experienced to that. It’s tough.”

Sims and Hayes haven’t just returned and gone through the motions. In the two games they played right after they lost their loved ones, the duo combined for 14 tackles, three sacks and a forced fumble in their usual reserve roles behind Robert Quinn and Chris Long.

“Eugene did a really nice job when he came back late Saturday night last week playing,” Fisher said. “Of course Will, he was grateful, but I knew it was time for him to get back. It speaks a lot, too, for both of them to be able to play at a high level without the preparation time. I was glad that he was able to do that.”

For Hayes and Sims, playing through pain has taken on an entirely different meaning. They’ve found comfort in the confines of a locker room, a meeting room, a practice field and whatever NFL stadium they play in. But most of all, in one another.

“I feel like we went through something for a reason,” Sims said. “I would say it’s motivation because you know they are looking down on you. You feel like, OK, I can’t disappoint. I don’t feel like there’s a lot of pressure on me, but it’s like you are releasing and expressing your pain through the sport.

“Playing this game and playing with these guys and coming back here, I feel like I was at home with my family already. You want to play for that first family and your second family. Both of those families motivate you to play even harder.”

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