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Connecticut's awkward attempt to create a rivalry game with Central Florida as well as to introduce a trophy for the self-titled "Civil Conflict" mostly flopped among college football kibitzers this week, particularly considering that Central Florida administrators weren't informed of the new tradition. Though this provided rich fodder for being snarky and superior -- who the heck does UConn think it is, trying to create something fun for its struggling football program? -- true college football fans realize you can't have too many rivalry games and rivalry trophies. Rivalry games are cool, period. No, they all can't have Jeweled Shillelaghs or Paul Bunyan Axes or Victory Bells, nor are they all nationally relevant -- Ball State and Northern Illinois play for the Bronze Stalk -- but they enrich the college football tapestry. So, in the interest of promoting rivalry games, we've got some ideas for 10 new ones. LSU-USC (played for the 2003 Cup)
In 2003, USC was ranked No. 1 in both human polls, but computers picked LSU to play Oklahoma in the BCS title game. After the Trojans whipped No. 4 Michigan in the Rose Bowl, they were voted No. 1 by the AP and Football Writers Association of America, while LSU was No. 1 in the coaches poll, where the coaches were contractually required to vote for the Tigers, though three went ahead and voted for USC anyway. It was a bitterly split title, and the respective fan bases still have a go at it over their relative merits on a regular basis. So why not settle things on the field? Every year! Curiously, I also suspect these fan bases would end up liking each other as an odd couple, just as Ed Orgeron, Louisiana native and current LSU assistant, did so well at USC. Idaho-Charleston Southern (played for an Iron Bowl)
The idea here is the doughty teams that Auburn and Alabama play the week before the Iron Bowl should also play for their own annual trophy, an actual bowl made of iron -- tasteful, not too expensive. Last year, it was Western Carolina and Samford. In 2013, it was Chattanooga and Auburn's bye week, which would have greatly increased the Mocs' chances of taking home an iron bowl. Nebraska-Minnesota (played for $5 Bits of Broken Chair Trophy)
My idea here -- I am so awesome! -- is that if Nebraska wins, Minnesota gives Faux Pelini $5, but if Minnesota wins, Faux Pelini gets to smash a wooden chair of the back of Minnesota mascot Goldy Gopher. Wait. Someone else thought of this? Faux Pelini thought of this? The trophy already actually exists? Well, who saw that coming? Did Faux Pelini mention that Nebraska beat Minnesota 84-13 in 1983? Just throwing that out there. Baylor vs. nonconference patsy (played for the Golden Milquetoast Plate)
Last year, Baylor played nonconference games against SMU, Northwestern State and Buffalo. That weak slate is a significant reason the Bears weren't invited to the inaugural College Football Playoff, but noting that might have hurt Baylor's feelings, as well as the feelings of SMU, Northwestern State and Buffalo. This year, Baylor plays SMU, Lamar and Rice. Instead of pointing out that weak slate is likely to be a significant reason the Bears won't be invited to the second CFP and hurting everyone's feelings again, we'll just propose somebody hand out the Golden Milquetoast Plate and maybe put some milk toast on it. Would you like another helping, Baylor?   University of Southern California-University of South Carolina (played for the USC Trophy)
There is nothing more annoying than seeing a cool college football story that purports to be about USC and finding out that story is actually about South Carolina/Southern California. Everyone knows the Gamecocks/Trojans are the real USC. This rivalry game, which should be played the first weekend every season, makes the winner the "Real USC" for the calendar year. We might also have to play this sort of game between Washington and Wisconsin, because both insist they are the real "UW." There might be other cases -- not to mention mascot issues! -- but I'm in a hurry to finish this list.
Houston-Tulsa (played for the Aluminum Hat)
Two reasons for this one, which some, according to Wikipedia, already call the "Battle for the Best City," thereby making it the best ironic name for a rivalry game ever. For one, it's a JV Red River Showdown, matching a Texas team vs. one from Oklahoma. On the Red River, you get a Golden Hat for winning. This trophy is a bit more economical. The second reason for this American Athletic Conference matchup earning official rivalry-game status is the anomalous result in 1968 when Houston stomped Tulsa 100-6, scoring 49 points in the fourth quarter against a Golden Hurricane team wracked by flu. Cougars! Behave! Get this: The year before, Tulsa beat Houston. The series is fairly tight -- Houston leads 21-18 -- but the prospect of hitting the century mark again is worth crossing your fingers over. Miami-Washington (played for the Frequent Flier Upgrade Card)
These two teams have history. In 1991, they both went unbeaten and split the national title. In 1994, Washington snapped Miami's 58-game home winning streak with 38-20 upset. In 2000, the Huskies handed the Hurricanes their only defeat, 34-29 in Seattle. The following year, Miami gulped deeply from the revenge cup with a 65-7 obliteration. So that sounds like plenty of inspiration for the 6,600-mile round trip -- the longest distance between Power 5 teams! -- which certainly would help improve your loyalty standing with your favorite airline.  Texas A&M-Texas (played for the Top of the List List)
This rivalry, which started in 1894, was played every season from 1915 to 2011, with 118 meetings making it the third longest in college football. Each program taunts the other in its fight song, so you'd think that rates the rivalry as important to both parties -- a huge part of the very fabric of a state that spends a lot of time bragging about its fabric. Texas athletic director Steve Patterson, in what some might uncharitably term a tone-deaf moment, said last year that this suddenly dormant rivalry is "not at the top of my list. I'm really more focused on how we grow the footprint of the department." Because the footprint of the athletic department is so much cooler than, like, a meeting of traditional state rivals who can't stand each other.
Oregon-Alabama (contested for the Troll Ax)
College football fans of both teams have pined for this game, matching the Ducks' irresistible-force offense against the Crimson Tide's immovable-object defense. Heck, reporters (cough) have crossed their fingers over this sexy matchup coming together, in the regular season or with a national title at stake. It's been close-but-no-cigar several times, which has created a rivalry among the fan bases of teams that have never played. In fact, this rivalry "game" as envisioned here will pay tribute to a matchup that seemingly will never happen because fate is such a cruel mistress. So this isn't about the teams meeting and playing an actual football game, but about the fans formalizing their mutual trolling of each other into some sort of competition in which one or the other can win. Georgia Tech-Cumberland (played for the Moral Victory Bell)
In 1916, Georgia Tech beat Cumberland 222-0, one of the most famous scores in sports history. It was the biggest blowout in college football history, in fact. Cumberland, nestled into Lebanon, Tennessee -- just 25 miles outside Nash-Vegas! -- is now a solid NAIA program. Wouldn't it be fun to see if Cumberland could play the Yellow Jackets closer now? We could say Cumberland would win the Moral Victory Bell if it managed to stay within 90 of Tech. By the way, Jackets fans, Cumberland's mascot is a bulldog. So yeah, that's some motivation right there.
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