Happy Halloween, everybody. We've got a fun-sized treat for you. Last year, we compared Big 12 coaches and players to horror movie villains. This time around, we've come up with the Halloween candy that we think best represents each Big 12 team.
Baylor: Gobstoppers. Just hear me out. Art Briles, with his affinity for inventive offense and giving players silly nicknames, is the Willy Wonka of the Big 12. He's turning Baylor into a factory. One of Wonka's better inventions has been the Gobstopper: Brightly colored, tart, and sweet with a tough core. It's a candy that lasts far longer than you expected.
Iowa State: Candy corn. Who doesn't love candy corn? Who doesn't love Paul Rhoads? Not totally sure what they're made of besides sugar, but still tasty. Might pull an upset or two but won't win a lot of head-to-head matchups in a kid's basket. It's still perfectly acceptable from year to year, though.
Kansas: 3 Musketeers. One of those candies that's always in your bucket, but not one that many people covet. Same shape and chocolate shell as its competitors, but with a fluffy, whipped interior. Like Kansas football, I'm sure that the 3 Musketeers has a small but fiercely loyal fanbase that believes this bar gets wrongly overlooked.
Kansas State: Apple. A treat so good they nicknamed their city after it. Healthy, affordable alternative that always gets more out of its natural sugars than most candies do from artificial sweeteners. Even better when paired with the warmth of caramel like Bill Snyder, the Werther's Original of coaches.
Oklahoma: Snickers. As they say, there's only one. This is high praise. Like OU, Snickers are a winner year after year, a traditional powerhouse. People keep assuming Bob Stoops will eventually get tired of Snickers and covet a candy bar with shinier wrapping. But you just don't walk away from something so reliable, well-built and tough to beat.
Oklahoma State: Black Forest Gummy Bears. Starting to become more recognized and readily available, and they're definitely solid. Still a way to go before they become a household name, but a certain segment of the population recognizes them as something special and different from any other gummy bear.
TCU: Take 5. The most complete candy bar, yet few people are properly aware or appreciative of it. A creation of adaptation, really. Lots of other candy bars have some of its ingredients, but adding an innovative pretzel crunch (the Frogs' new Air Raid offense) to its traditional combination of salty nuts with a smooth caramel/peanut buttery defense makes for one great flavor profile.
Texas: Protein bar. Sorry, Charlie Strong took away all the Longhorns' candy when he took over, as candy can make you soft. "No candy" is secretly the sixth core value. Texas is trying to get back to the days of being Reese's or some other nationally respected candy, but for now, eat those protein bars and get stronger. They might not taste that good (like this 2014 season), but they're good for you.
Texas Tech: Payday. Kliff Kingsbury got a nice one before the season, and now everyone thinks they're nuts. Get it? We're just teasing you, Red Raiders. A more fitting choice might've been Butterfingers. A lot of people love them, but they're a bit messier than you think -- kinda like Texas Tech's turnover and penalty problems.
West Virginia: Hershey's Special Dark. Just the right combination of sweet and bitter, an underrated candy that's fueled by caffeine. A lot of caffeine: 31 milligrams, about as much as a can of Coca-Cola. Just so you know, Dana: Consuming five of these bars would be nearly the equivalent of two Red Bulls. Let's be honest, though: Pixy Stix are the real Red Bull of kids' candy.