There is something natural, communal and instant when moms get together. It doesn't matter the language, home, country, kitchen or even green room. There is a look, a laugh, an exchange that is both verbal and nonverbal. Moms just get each other.
So it came as no surprise when I walked into the ESPN LA green room that all four moms who were participating in our Mother's Day roundtable were all smiling and chatting. Kevin Durant's mom Wanda was momentarily typing something into her phone, while Jason and Jarron Collins' mom was sharing a story with Carson Palmer's mom, Danna, and Alex Morgan's mom, Pam. Steph Curry had just finished his MVP acceptance speech and Wanda was trying to send him a congratulatory tweet (she later admitted she had no clue if it actually sent). When Curry's speech ended, the conversation quickly turned to the women discussing Wanda's similar experience the year before. Wanda's eyes and face lit up as she told of how surprised she was by Kevin's incredible words and just how special that MVP moment was and still is. And as moms always do, Wanda then quickly turned the conversation away from her moment and talked instead about the Curry family and how happy she was for all of them. And with that one gracious act, I smiled.
For that is the great gift of women. And what I love so much about every mom I meet. Moms give. Moms deflect when the attention is on them. Moms want the world around them to be better and then worry about themselves later (to the point of forgetting about ourselves). Moms will take care of their children, family and friends with a passion and intensity that knows no limits. We are strong, we are loyal, and we love deeply. I heard it through these four women as they shared their journey of "not sacrifice, but love." Sure, it was hard at times, they said, but that is what moms do. You just don't think twice. You want your kids to dream and to one day realize that dream.
But what I also heard was the message of letting go. They spoke of letting them struggle at times ... of falling and growing. How hard that is as parents, but how necessary. Wanda Pratt spoke of Kevin wanting to quit basketball his freshman year in high school, and she said, "Well, once you finish out the season, which you will finish, you can take piano lessons instead."
"Piano?" Kevin asked.
"Yes, you will take piano lessons if you are not doing basketball," Wanda said matter-of-factly.
She then went on to say that he stayed with basketball after the season and never spoke of quitting again.
Or when Pam Morgan told Alex that if she ever had an issue with her coach or playing time, at any level, Pam would never go to the coach to complain. That Alex needed to figure it out and deal with it herself (that noise you hear is coaches all over the world rejoicing in unison at this thought).
Simple, it seems. Let our children learn by doing, not by doing for them. But I am fairly certain that is a hard thing to grasp for moms and dads nowadays. We want so badly to make it right for our kids. It comes from a great place, but in so doing, we attempt to do it all. My takeaway from these four fabulous moms was to support our kids, give them the opportunity to be great, and then let them shine.
So when you find yourself, as we all do, wanting to solve it, back away. And instead, on this great day, I want you to do the unthinkable, moms ... take care of YOU. Make it your task to remind every mom you see to put her feet up, read the paper, have another cup of coffee (or wine if it is after noon) and slow down.
Enjoy the moment. We don't do it enough. Life and the kids and work and the house will be just fine. Dust has no emotional content anyway. And when they ask for dinner, tell them for once: Ain't. My. Problem.
Happy Mother's Day.
And I propose a Happy Mother's Month for next year.